suicide and other ways to die ...

This morning's early walk produced fellow walkers for brief philosophical interlude, and this quote from Robert Webb:

"Life is a struggle between Love and Death ... Death always wins, but because of Love it is a hollow victory ..."

One to ponder on and timely after Monday's conversation on Death, specifically Richard's ... still seems strange that we will not meet again in this life ...

Another local person and sometime visitor to APtB in its brief manifestation at number 7 was in mind recently ... a beautiful and suffering soul with a background in the military and as an adherent of the Osho cult and its orgiastic practices ... though whether either or both of these led to the psychosis is unclear ... anyway, after much ideation and many rehearsals, she succeeded in exiting this incarnation a few weeks ago ... who knows whether to be happy or sad for her? A friend who has seriously considered the final option reported that she was told that suicide would not relieve the suffering ... that she would reincarnate with the very issues she had not addressed ... whether that's true or not, who knows? She is still alive and still suffering it seems ... as for personal experience, suffering is not recalled as so intense as to prompt such radical action ... a half-hearted attempt many years ago after the premature end of a love affair ... a brief moment, in a stressful period, driving along a motorway, seeing the approaching bridge as a possible ending of the problem ...

The topic entails a little research and leads to some interesting results ... a general preponderance of males as expected, due to emotional repression (as examined by Robert Webb in his recent book), but also a high rate in supposedly happy nations, such as Sri Lanka and Bhutan ... poverty and war play a part of course and existentially maybe the increasing atomisation of society ... statistics skewed by cultural and legal  influences too ... and the thought that there are slower ways to kill oneself which are not defined as suicide yet might as well be ... excessive eating, smoking, drinking of alcohol, drug taking ... less obviously, life denying existences, negative thinking and so on ...

In the context of eternity, which is infinity of time, or a dimension beyond time, life and death take on another perspective altogether ... our mechanistic world view producing an illusion of beginning and ending ... our wonderful National Health Service (having morphed into a National Illness Service) blurring the edges of living and dying ... increasing longevity as if prolonging the dying period was a good thing ... ongoing consciousness a topic hard to comprehend, but worth exploring nevertheless ...

Debunking debunking ...

One of the perils of walking the precipitous path between all possibility and all delusion is the occasional skirmish with fellow Facebookers ... and being quite eclectic in the choice of "friends" opportunities often appear to share contentious content ... "friends" on FB, of course, having a different meaning than friends in real life (whatever that may be) ... amusingly, FB has coined a new and rather clumsy word to remind us about FB friends we may have known virtually for a while - Friendversary as in Happy Friendversary ... such reminders sometimes unwelcome, in the case of deserting lovers for example ... still, FB only knows what we tell it, though its memory is superior in many ways ... possibly useful when dementia sets in ... albums packaged as Christmas presents ... or Friendversary gifts, if the concept catches on ...

Venturing into heretical positions in territory such as Climate Change, leads to swift responses from orthodox champions and the introduction of the "debunking" word ... apparently used to denote distaste for the proposition along with a superior style refutation ... and whilst mostly eschewing opinions and invitations to spurious debates, it is sometimes fun to explore uncharted territory, or the road less travelled ... and if friends or "friends" are moved to engage in dialogue, whether refuting or asserting, then this may be helpful ... though assuming a superior air is probably not ... hence the need to debunk debunking as a method of furthering knowledge ... and the word itself has such a firm resonance, so why not employ it twice in a row?

Meanwhile, Autumn in Weardale means heavenly heather purpling on the fell, hiding grouse, anxiously awaiting murderous sportsmen in plus fours, armed with guns and legalised to fire them at defenceless birds ... fungi shrooming, offering a more peaceful pastime and tastier healthy alternative (as long as you know which ones won't kill you, of course) ... some varieties even offering glimpses of other dimensions of reality, a trip yet to be taken ... blackberries abundant after July's rain and August's sun, themselves an exercise in patience, avoiding pricks from bramble bushes and stings from nearby nettles, working together to upset the unwary ...

So, after an unusually dry Bank Holiday weekend spent walking, musing, reading, writing and visiting neighbours and friends for deep conversation on death and other topics ... today's trip with the elders for lunch reinforces the pleasure of feeling useful in the community ... which, combined with occasional adventures in the parallel universe of pilgrimming feels like some kind of recipe for living ...  wholesome anyway, maybe time to spice it up a bit ...

role adjustment ...

After neglecting the writer role while reflecting on incoming information as well as changing circumstances, the editor requests resumption .... somehow validating the illusory entity "writer" and encouraging an effort to arrange words in a more or less coherent pattern which may communicate notions worth sharing, whilst avoiding too traditional linguistic forms and thus challenging reader(s) to participate in the exercise ...

The editor, meanwhile, having made a guest contribution, resumes his summer sojourn in Ciblat, leaving the writer to unmangle recent ramblings on infinity, parallel universes and other topics ... speaking of which, the recently mentioned book "Infinity" points out that the three dot punctuation style practised from the beginning of the blog as an attempt to indicate the lack of full stops in Life, is used in mathematics to indicate ... Infinity! Mathematically literate (numerate?) readers will already know that, though none shared the fact on here ... though who knows whether mathematicians read this blog ... sometimes it feels as if the readership is a handful of friends and family .... google metrics report on page views and even location, though it is of little interest to the writer, who plods on regardless ... the exercise helpful in its own write (sic) to develop thoughts and record for future forgetfulness ...

The role adjustment in the title refers to the arrival of resources, presenting a problem to the nomad persona carefully cultivated over the past few years ... the Retreat House project planned for the windfall languishing for want of energy and co-creators is replaced with an investment in a small cottage nearby ... an idea encouraged by sensible and caring friends and embraced without much investigation, after two chats and tours ... asking price offered and accepted ... subject to contract, as they say ... though, being handily located on the Weardale Way, on the outskirts of the village, it looks like a handy bolt hole in the place which seems more like home than anywhere at present, and well set up for holiday letting, AirBnB and so on ... a few weeks to complete then maybe a pilgrimage to celebrate ...

Daughters, sharing in the windfall, are of a better age to enjoy the benefits ... to be honest, it's more of a bother than a blessing in many ways and the adjustment is taking a while, since simplicity and lightness was aligned with slim, albeit adequate, resources ... anyway, equanimity is maintained ... and the Retreat House is still waiting ... being useful noted as key to Life and there is enough energy for a big project as well as a few thousand miles of walking ...

Being house based for a while means the library grows again (and a new home for it soon) ... Kate Atkinson's novel A God in Ruins inspires a search for its prequel Life After Life ... both taking full advantage of their fiction status to stretch readers' minds with notions of parallel universes ... yesterday's trip to Durham turning up a good quality hardback version along with two books from the Dalai Lama and a timely find in the science section by Gregg Braden - The Divine Matrix ... where it has more validity than Dawkins, still sneaking into the spirituality section ...

Facebook provides another piece of the jigsaw with a video from Robert Lanza on Bio-Centrism  ... another scientist sticking his neck out and challenging the orthodoxies of scientism  ... who knows who's right or wrong? Certainly not your scientifically and mathematically illiterate writer ... though experience, albeit processed through a still conditioned brain, points to everything being connected, consciousness being participatory in reality and the universe(s) being benign somehow ...

Of course, none of this is new ... yet somehow the insights of the ancient philosophers, often corrupted by organisations formed around their ideas, are not convincing enough ... indeed any conceptual understanding of someone else's truth is suspect ... this stuff has to be integrated and embodied and that is perhaps the work of all of us in some parallel universe ... certainly a joy for your blogger in this one (which may, or may not, be the one inhabited by any reader ...)

Time for lunch!

energy trading ...

Yesterday's heartwarming trip with the Wheels to Meals crew involved thirty folks, most, but not all, elders (the definition is slippery) riding along to Witton le Wear, boarding the heritage train for the trip to Stanhope and lunch at the station cafe ... logistically interesting with mobility challenges to be addressed at each stage .... fine weather helped and feedback, as always, generates more energy than expended in the operation ... Love being the purest form of energy ...

Time to reflect once more on this topic of energy and its various manifestations ..............

The motivation arises from various dramas observed and participated in along the way ... as perceived through currently conditioned brain ... hopefully becoming clearer as the self-brainwashing proceeds, though new illusions may be clogging up the works, of course ...

Setting out a few parameters for today's exploration (feel free to question them too!):

A. Words are never the thing they try to describe ...
2. Energy is fundamental - form is energy condensed at lower frequencies ...
X. Energy and Power are closely related ...
67. Energy flows through everything - everything comes from and returns to energy ...
&. Humans are not exempt from this ...
!! Humans and other entities have power generation potential as well as conductivity ..
~ Some humans share power/energy, some lack the capacity and seek to secure it from others (Dracula effect)
£. Money, as previously explored in Wear and Dao, is a peculiar form of energy, with the power to boost creative process, corrupt humans, engender fear, greed etc.
[that's enough parameters, get on with the dramas ...]

In a typical workplace drama, the actors vie for status and power ... it may be argued that a typical workplace is, in any case, contemporary slavery ... dear reader, please reflect on situations in your own life ... the folks who drain your energy, those who energise you ... some of that is perhaps to do with frequency alignment, maybe an energy thief in one relationship can be an energy donor in another? In any workplace, the tendency is for the more fearful to stick around, seeking security, rising up the status ladder and gathering power along the way (but there is never enough) ... sometimes the energy gathering strategies are ritualised, though best to dodge the freemason topic for now, since it often leads to uncomfortable places ...
So, out of these energy games arise specific casualties ... bullying may manifest ... energy deficit disorders showing up in sickness absence ...

Sexual energy comes into play in the domestic drama (and the workplace and other dramas too), where sex may be traded for security (this is known as prostitution in its clearest, transparent form) ...this and other energy trading leads to a range of relationship types ... loving interaction, co-dependency, slavery ... symptoms show up transparently in energy deficit disorders ... and perhaps less obviously in all sorts of ailments ....

Attention is a form of energy too, as previously observed ... the energy deficient employ all sorts of strategies to gain energy in this way ... often demonised as "energy seeking behaviour" ... better to understand it as a symptom of psychological blockage, which needs ... attention ...

Scaling down, these energy blockages must affect the constituent parts of the entity called human ... it is of course an evolved complex assemblage of specialised cells in symbiotic relationship with other micro-organisms, held together by a central operating system where consciousness contrived a sense of self ... an illusion as discovered and described in many previous posts ...

Scaling up, co-operating and competing humans bring their bundle of neuroses to community, society, nation and species ... and where evolution has produced a surfeit of deficit thinking and acting, this particular parallel universe called mainstream consensus reality, paralysed by fear, is reaching its nadir ...

The beautiful and bountiful parallel universe under construction stands waiting for co-creators ... it is infinitely close ... indeed folks still flit between the two (or more) ... Fear or Love the choice ... and once awareness operates without fear then Love is there ...

more infinity ...

Today dawns dismal in Grey Britain, after yesterday's exceptionally sunny Sunday and a delightful trip out with the elders for afternoon tea at Thornley Village Hall ... and the result of the damp summer on the landscape is green ... so, no complaints, but ... a little more vitamin D is needed ...

Saturday's outing to Durham meant a visit to the Oxfam bookshop and, after years of charity shop book buying, the first Krishnamurti book ... seems they are rarely gifted ... maybe the last attachment, being so full of wisdom ... this is the 2nd Krishnamurti Reader, edited by Mary Lutyens ... discovered on the spirituality shelf ... meanwhile, over on the philosophy shelf, lies Infinity by Brian Clegg ... though it could equally well have been on the science shelf, since it has lots of numbers and algebraic symbols in it ... along with the more helpful (for this discalculic reader) quotes from the mystics:

Plutarch: Alexander wept when he heard from Anaxarchus that there was an infinite number of worlds; and his friends asking him if any accident had befallen him, he returns this answer: "Do you not think it a matter worthy of lamentation that when there is such a vast multitude of them, we have not yet conquered one?"

Blake: If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.

Einstein: Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Clegg makes no mention of Hugh Everett's work on infinite parallel universes, later developed into the Many Worlds Theory, nor David Bohm's Implicate Order, nor this insightful poem from ee cummings:

“Love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of yes live
(skillfully curled)
all worlds”

... pointing to not only infinity but also the ground of being, the ultimate, that which cannot be described ... from which all arises and returns ... perhaps ...

As for the shelves and classification, it is often rather random which book belongs where ... supporters of the humourless atheist Richard Dawkins delight in inserting his "The God Delusion" among the religious or spiritual titles ... fellow scientist and Dawkins nemesis, Rupert Sheldrake, wrote "The Science Delusion" for balance ... though on which shelf one may find it requires further investigation ... the APtB library, in its first version, addressed the category question by colour coding the covers ... from light to dark ... why not?

Back in the mainstream consensus reality, where the President of the "United" States of America is temporarily distracted from continuing the conquest of the Middle East with an attack on Iran, by rather recklessly opening two fronts, first in traditional territory southwards ... the oil-rich Venezuela, then revisiting old adversary North Korea, which is reputed to be rich in useful minerals ... either way, all three allegedly reject the Money Delusion of the Almighty Dollar ... 

Having been asked by a concerned friend about the ongoing obsession with infinity and other unanswerable questions ... and unconcerned with necessarily providing answers to anything too quickly ... the parallel universe possibilities are tempting, if they offer a way out of consensus realities which are so bizarre as to be beyond belief ... yet if consensus reality is thought constructed through the attention energy of millions (please note the "if"), then we had better focus on less dangerous delusions ... a tricky conundrum, since it makes more "common" sense to oppose that which appears evil ... and sometimes battles may be necessary .... a paradox perhaps ... anyway, until faced with a clear and pressing situation to act otherwise, the awareness stays in all round view, attention and its energy is focused firmly on finer frequencies ... 

the editor writes ...

After Friday's "F" fest and invitation for feedback, the editor writes from deepest France ... happy to share on here ... another perspective for the blog ...

"I see from your blog that the idea of a retreat in Stanhope is not catching on as you would like it. Maybe it is something about the location and a position on a Camino in sunnier & warmer Spain or Portugal might be a better bet. Cold, wet Brexitland is not a welcoming place and given the price of property being hugely expensive, then I'm not surprised that you have had not had a lot of interest when it comes down to cash. I see it here more and more with people buying places wanting to do them up to live here then being faced with the reality of spending cash and time to fix up a place that they then realise is just a romantic notion. It is different living in a place that was great on holiday but much less enjoyable on an ongoing basis. The choices are stark: try and flog the gaff to another expat romantic or become an alcoholic. The third way is to have a bunch of things to do to keep you occupied and make life more interesting - but you would have to do that wherever you choose to live. A lot of people choose to do the first option but discover that flogging houses to people over here is hard outside of the popular areas as a glut of broken dreams is unloaded onto a crowded market that turns over very slowly.

"As for the second option, that too is visible in villages across the country with the bars being composed a clientele of expats getting steadily pissed in the absence of local people wanting to listen to their woes.
My option has a few takers but largely they are refugees from a country that they feel has no opportunities for them to lead a civilised life but merely an existence of dull boring work that is increasingly poorly paid and a 'social' life revolving around a circuit of watering holes with a cast of hundreds if not thousands of souls terminally drunk. With the attendant threat of violence being visited upon them by alienated others then I would tend to agree with their strategy of getting as far away from Brexitland as possible. This was always going to be the end-game in the Neocon plan of creating a mass of alienated individuals who could be manipulated into attacking whoever was deemed the target group. Today it's Muslims, tomorrow it's one-legged trans people, after that another bunch of people. You know how it is."

Thanks!

flip-flopping, fake news, future ...

Alliteration being one of the favourite games of this blog, today's sound is "F" ... also written as "Ph" of course, opening up many more opportunities for philological fun ...

Flip-flopping refers to the current mind state of the blogger, feeling simultaneously free and focusing on the serious task of co-creating the Retreat Centre ... and since the clear intention is co-creation, attracting co-creators is proving a stumbling block .... and not being attached to stumbling or any outcome, alternative opportunities divert the attention (and yes, this may be the problem!) ... the wandering life keeps calling along with an allied idea from the walk to Porto last year ... since the Quinta Estrada Romana, on the Caminho de Santiago, a few hours walk from Valenca, on the border between Portugal and Spain, is for sale ... like the Stanhope House, the asking price is beyond the means of the blogger, but resources are available and co-creative funding models lend themselves to the Quinta even more than the Stanhope House, since it is fully operational as a pilgrim albergue right on the path of Santiago and Fatima ... the picture below shows Geoff, Canadian current co-owner ...

All this speculation brings into question the blocks to finding the co-creators ... and happy to own the question, since solitude has taught that seeking truth outside is futile ... that humans are a social species and only exist in relationship with others ... hmmm, whilst solitude is seductive sometimes, breaking out of the bind is essential for progress .... patience and perseverance perhaps ...

Fake news arose after a provocative re-post from a friend, questioning the causes of climate change ... followed by swift debunking from another friend along with an admonition about fake news ... itself a rather recent phrase, though the concept has been around for as long as news itself ... though retired Telegraph journalist friend says standards of accuracy have slipped since the good old days of Fleet Street ... nevertheless, it seems clear that freedom of the press is indeed for those who own one and the fake news furore may be due to the demise of confidence in plutocrat press barons as social media makes journalists of all of us ... potentially ... and news agendas are as significant for what is not published as for what is - fake or not ... better leave climate change for another day, since it is a touchy subject and rather polarised, as well as appearing part of scientific dogmatism ... of course your correspondent has neither scientific credentials nor the need for an opinion on the subject ...

The final "F" for today's offering is Future and has been partially covered already... meanwhile, feel free to feedback facts, fantasies or any other "F" or "Ph" related thoughts ... thanks!

practicalities and possibilities

Good old FB has offered a £30 coupon to incentivise the first advert ... limiting the cost to just that proved more difficult ... let's see if the reach and targeting works ... and perhaps best to explore some practical issues here, since the blog is linked to FB APtB page and group ...

The Retreat concept is well enough understood and this one attempts to be broad, eclectic, simple and accessible ... encouraging an integral approach ... incorporating meditation, exercise, good food and group process ... cellars seem to lend themselves to some chanting as well as silent sitting ...

The legal form is flexible ... the previous Community Benefit Society having proven premature and disbanded a while ago ... some kind of charitable trust seems likely ... all to be investigated and the best form for the purposes adopted ... the purchase price of the property is £375,000, which looks good value for six bedrooms, good size kitchen, dining room, lounge, cellars and garden ... whilst folks with interest and skills are needed, the immediate requirement is investors to fund the balance of the £400k start-up budget ... £100k already pledged ... ways to invest are fluid: maybe pay it forward, by buying a week long retreat at £400 times as many years as you want (like a time share); maybe a philanthropic gift or loan ... maybe a shared equity purchase of the house ...

You can see it here ... and arrange your own viewing or get in touch for a group tour.

unfolding ...

Feeling at home, once more in Wear Terrace, this time lightly ... a week by week arrangement and holding the possibilities lightly too ... the Retreat House still available and some promotion on FB to stimulate interest .... quite clear that this project requires team energy ... alternatives like walking to Santiago, visiting the K Retreat Centre in the Himalayas and other things yet to arise, all possible ...

Coffee mornings in the Church Hall help reconnect with the elders ... the usual question being "how long are you staying this time?" ... who knows? .... settling awhile and sitting in silence perhaps one way to find the flow again ...

Daughters arrive for lunch and walk ... the ostensible reason for return at this time ... both living their lives authentically in their different ways ... lightly connected here too, since heart connection is in the non-local field, beyond space and time ...

August not the month for European wandering and this year temperatures appear excessive along with the volume of holidaymakers ... so, settling awhile and imagining the rather ambitious Retreat House ... the ambition is not daunting, but it is clear to this lover of solitude that such a project, promoting interbeing, has to have co-creators, which is not just cheering from the sidelines ... let's see ... FB a helpful tool and kindly offering to boost the relevant posts for a reasonable price ... well. it is a business after all, despite a common delusion that it is a social service ...

The vision of A Place to Be has been enduring over the past six years or so ... its formlessness somehow not a barrier ... though sometimes an opening to the further reaches of esoterica ... and if judgement is eschewed, then discernment surely must be practised ... simplicity of form and ritual as a temporary container, along with compassion two of the treasures ... patience the third and hardest to play with ... since concentrated effort is occasionally required in creative process ...

Connecting with tribe at this time maybe key ... setting out some framework for funding, since a quarter of the initial costs are now freely available and six bedrooms (large enough for more than one or two occupants if necessary) make co-housing an alternative or transitional use, along with Airbnb or just security for business loans ... the core idea of a residential and day retreat place, with elegant rooms and resonant vaulted cellars surely is of its time ... focusing on the tribe connection, the marketing skills and effort now the test ...

The setting, in the middle of the pretty market town of Stanhope, nestling in the foothills of the North Pennines, perfect for local access and easy enough from the great conurbations of Tyneside, Wearside and Teesside. .. inspirational walking on the doorstep ...

Home to Home ....

North again ... North-East to be more precise ... Durham today, Stanhope tomorrow ... and having found Brockwood homely, welcoming and full of folks vibrating at similar frequencies ... tribe perhaps ... letting it go lightly was fine ... Durham also feeling home-like (and was for a while) ... Stanhope more mystically so and friends' cottage available for a month ... by the river again ...

Having booked the train and shared the news, various folks step forward for fond farewells ... some deeper conversations and musing whether the deepening develops once the break is imminent ... fear of intimacy from either or both perhaps playing a part ... interesting to observe and allow anyway ... connections established in the virtual world too, so let's see where they go ... and this morning, out of the blue, Chantal appears, here for 9 days ... the third random meeting and time for coffee connection at the Centre ... before wandering across the ridge and down the lane to Bramdean ... some exercise before the long cross country train journey ....

Late running bus further delayed by meeting lorry on narrow lane, meaning much reversing to create passing space, shrinks the comfortable 25 minutes transfer time to a slim 5 ... a run rather than walk and train caught with minutes to spare, having spent much of the trip swinging between trusting the Universe and rehearsing alternative scenarios ... Universe clearly not only trustworthy but also forgiving of doubters ...

Breakfast discussion found some resonance with parallel universe story, whilst last evening chat with Stephanie, who was watering indoor plants, touched on plant consciousness ... or sentience anyway ... long practised at Findhorn ... and previous story from Emiko spoke of her experiment with three glasses of water, each containing a grain of rice ... the first was spoken to kindly, the second, rudely, the third ignored ... with remarkable effects ... as discovered in similar experiments by her countryman, Emoto ...

Train uneventful to Birmingham, then a companion for lively conversation all the way to Durham ... Jonathan, a strategy manager with the National Lottery ... heading home to Newcastle ...

At the station, a dear friend ... a lift to her home, a good catch-up and shared meal ... perfect ...