solitude

I am lucky to have been able to embrace solitude for as long as I can remember ... perhaps as the third child of four there was no shortage of company at any time in my childhood and whilst I was reasonably gregarious, joining in the football, cricket and other group games, I also recall times when I climbed my favourite pine tree, in which I had made a nest at the top, and laying there watching the clouds crossing the sky .... reflecting on childhood, choosing a mother who offered unconditional love to all her children,a father who modelled self-reliance, independent thinking and a sense of justice as well as providing a sometimes authoritarian figure I could practice rebelling against, and a rural setting in which I could wander freely, provided a great platform ... and as third child a certain invisibility which was useful ... (discovering from mum that they only wanted two children amused me, though my younger sister took it rather personally ...)

Solitude is such a blessing, an opportunity to feel the connection to everything .... intimacy with a special other has been harder to sustain and I am grateful to the women who taught me about love, and set me free ... this journey to the Dao has to be taken alone to deepen the solitude and paradoxically to open the space for others to fill ... and whilst I am not walking all the way, I will be walking alone a lot and that is the time I sometimes manage to lose my mind for a while .... which is an experience hard to describe but delightful to know ...